"yeah, everything’s fine, i just tucked your kid into bed. but can i cover up the clown statue in the corner? it’s freaking me out"
"what? we dont have a kid. take our clown statue and get out of the house right now"
I never get compliments on my hair until its been 4 months since my last cut, it has no shape or style left, and I look like an awkward mop.